Where Have All the Good Men Gone?

Where have all the good men gone?

Why is it that we wake up, day by day, only to hear again, to discover again, to be reminded again and again, that many men have abused their power, their position, and abused and degraded women?

How can we hear about Bill Cosby, the respected father figure and celebrated comedian, now facing numerous allegations of sexual assault, and not be outraged? And, of course, he is not alone. Here in Canada, the CBC radio host Jian Ghomeshi has been revealed to be a violent sexual predator. It is affluent men and poor men, conservatives and liberals, religious and irreligious. Time and again, over and over, we are reminded of the horrible ways that men treat women.

And yes, there is plenty of blame to share. When nudity is a publicity stunt, when Hollywood actresses bare all and are rewarded by awards, when sexting is a common phenomenon, there is plenty of guilt to go around. But right now, I want to focus on men.

Where have all the good men gone?

I don’t know. Maybe there never were as many as we imagine. Maybe the rise of sexual liberation coupled with the decline of chivalry explains it. Maybe the declining Christian influence in our culture helps explain the rise of this behavior. Maybe the empowerment of women with the accompanying larger public voice has simply done a better job of revealing the horrible problem of sexual abuse.

Where have all the good men gone?

I don’t know. But I do know where good men can be made again. We’re not going to accomplish it by creating affirmative consent laws. We’re not going to accomplish it by exposing to ridicule or public disgrace those who act horrifically. Not by empowering women. Not by issuing renewed calls to chivalry. Not by giving our children clear and emphatic instruction on how to treat each other, and especially giving our sons instructions on how to treat women. These steps will not accomplish the task. Some good may come by at least some of these measures. But they will fail at the ultimate task.

Good men (and good women, but I’m focusing on men) are made by being transformed by God. We men are sinners, and we need the grace of God to transform us. And so we Christians must spread the gospel, sharing how God redeems sinners and transforms lives by his grace, extended to us by the death of his son.

Christians must be involved in rectifying public abuses, must be involved in stemming the tide of sexual assault and violence, must be involved in training up our boys to treat women well and our girls to expect respect and take prudential measures for their safety, must be involved in bringing to justice those who have assaulted the dignity of women. But this is not all we must do; we must also bring the gospel into this equation. Because we know that merely changing behaviors is not enough. Hearts must be transformed by God.